- a day that had nothing scheduled after a fairly rough night of sleep
- podcasts - I love that I can access a whole variety of quality teaching from all over the world and listen to it on my laptop or iphone
- flipping the calendar in my room at mom and dad's to May (ya, I'm 9 days late) and smiling as a scene with palm trees replaced the beach view from April
- Coming home and tacking a few new items to my wall of smiles, and then pausing to study it and be reminded of the people who love me, and whom I love and pray for
- taking the time to clean my bedroom at grandma's, and restore order for the first time in quite a while
- listening to worship music from Kim Walker Smith
- popping in a movie I love and letting it play in the background as I puttered around
- getting a few necessary errands done today
- making peanut butter puffed wheat squares
- candles that add atmosphere and heat to a cold basement bedroom
Monday, May 09, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 266
Today's Daily 5:
Monday
It's mid-morning Monday (such lovely alliteration there) and it has been days since I've paused in this space to record anything but a nightly Daily 5 list.
For the first time in what seems a very long time, years really, I find myself realizing that I don't need to weigh what I say in this space for fear of some in my "real life" who may be reading. And yet, I almost feel as if I've lost the ability to share myself here. As if it has descended into a sort of murky silence.
I'm waiting out some health stuff right now. Waiting for my body to adapt to new changes in supplements and medications. Waiting to see if initial side-effects will diminish. Waiting for restful sleep of some sort (since sleep has never been one of my great skills) to return.
I'm thinking about changes.
About needing to find work for the summer. And how my tired body and soul would instead prefer to hop on a plane to almost anywhere, preferably somewhere near a very large body water, somewhere with sunshine and warmth, and spend a summer resting and reorienting to all of the changes that have come in the last years.
I think of an option in the back of my mind - an option for travel to a new continent that vaguely exists - and I'm tempted to jump at it. And yet, I know that it would not actually be an option that would fit me well. That would fit my heart and life. But as an option, as an escape, it is tantalizing at times, and I dream again of travel and new places. Of people and prayer and time away for reorienting and reconstructing.
But it would need to be time away that would not leave me drained, the way so many of the trips, long and short, that I've made over the last few years have done. Time away that would restore, and contribute to healing. And that limits my options more significantly. In the meantime, if the weather brightens this week, watching these words flow across the screen convinces me that time at the zoo and perhaps in a park are going to be necessary.
This is again a season of in-between. It's the place I've been existing for much of the last year. The season of waiting and wondering. I need to find work, but I don't know for how long I need to be employed. I'm waiting to hear if I will be accepted into the nursing program for September. If I'm honest, I'm growing tired of waiting. I'm ready for settled. I'm growing tired of juggling a longing for things, with a desire to protect my heart from the hurt that comes from wanting deeply and having those desires fail to be fulfilled.
And so I wait. And this week that will look like time spent applying for jobs, and time spent reading. I hope it will look like time spent sitting in the sun, at the zoo or in a park. Perhaps time spent writing. Most definitely time spent thinking and praying. There will probably be a bit of cleaning and cooking or baking thrown in, and a few yoga classes. And yes, likely some daydreaming about airplanes and big bodies of water. (Watching the finale of The Amazing Race last night would have been comical if you were inside my head. Mixed into all the dialogue around the room about the various competitors was a nearly obsessive noticing of palm trees in the location in which they wrapped up the season. Even in a wild wind storm, those palm trees look enticing. Oh, and if you'd been in my head you would have also been privy to an astonishing number of thoughts about the woman who was providing the final clue, and the stunning ability of her hairdo to remain immobile despite the windstorm!)
And with that, I'd better stop writing and kick off my week of activities of waiting! See you tonight for the daily 5.
For the first time in what seems a very long time, years really, I find myself realizing that I don't need to weigh what I say in this space for fear of some in my "real life" who may be reading. And yet, I almost feel as if I've lost the ability to share myself here. As if it has descended into a sort of murky silence.
I'm waiting out some health stuff right now. Waiting for my body to adapt to new changes in supplements and medications. Waiting to see if initial side-effects will diminish. Waiting for restful sleep of some sort (since sleep has never been one of my great skills) to return.
I'm thinking about changes.
About needing to find work for the summer. And how my tired body and soul would instead prefer to hop on a plane to almost anywhere, preferably somewhere near a very large body water, somewhere with sunshine and warmth, and spend a summer resting and reorienting to all of the changes that have come in the last years.
I think of an option in the back of my mind - an option for travel to a new continent that vaguely exists - and I'm tempted to jump at it. And yet, I know that it would not actually be an option that would fit me well. That would fit my heart and life. But as an option, as an escape, it is tantalizing at times, and I dream again of travel and new places. Of people and prayer and time away for reorienting and reconstructing.
But it would need to be time away that would not leave me drained, the way so many of the trips, long and short, that I've made over the last few years have done. Time away that would restore, and contribute to healing. And that limits my options more significantly. In the meantime, if the weather brightens this week, watching these words flow across the screen convinces me that time at the zoo and perhaps in a park are going to be necessary.
This is again a season of in-between. It's the place I've been existing for much of the last year. The season of waiting and wondering. I need to find work, but I don't know for how long I need to be employed. I'm waiting to hear if I will be accepted into the nursing program for September. If I'm honest, I'm growing tired of waiting. I'm ready for settled. I'm growing tired of juggling a longing for things, with a desire to protect my heart from the hurt that comes from wanting deeply and having those desires fail to be fulfilled.
And so I wait. And this week that will look like time spent applying for jobs, and time spent reading. I hope it will look like time spent sitting in the sun, at the zoo or in a park. Perhaps time spent writing. Most definitely time spent thinking and praying. There will probably be a bit of cleaning and cooking or baking thrown in, and a few yoga classes. And yes, likely some daydreaming about airplanes and big bodies of water. (Watching the finale of The Amazing Race last night would have been comical if you were inside my head. Mixed into all the dialogue around the room about the various competitors was a nearly obsessive noticing of palm trees in the location in which they wrapped up the season. Even in a wild wind storm, those palm trees look enticing. Oh, and if you'd been in my head you would have also been privy to an astonishing number of thoughts about the woman who was providing the final clue, and the stunning ability of her hairdo to remain immobile despite the windstorm!)
And with that, I'd better stop writing and kick off my week of activities of waiting! See you tonight for the daily 5.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 265
Today's Daily 5:
- 1 year, 265 days of making these lists
- a very lazy Sunday
- Harvey's Burger's for lunch with dad
- wearing a very pretty new scarf
- watching the finale of The Amazing Race with a bunch of extended family and laughing at the jokes my cousin was making
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 264
Today's Daily 5:
- the start of something new
- tea and walking all over downtown with a friend
- a beautiful new scarf that I purchased using a groupon bought months ago
- the friend I was with today was recently in the US, and brought me several Almond Joy bars. I'd been quite looking forward to having one, and it didn't disappoint
- watching the movie Sabrina (the Harrison Ford version) with my parents - it's one my dad and I have always loved and it was fun to watch it together over dinner and laugh at the great lines in it. "I found myself in Paris." Love it.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 263
Today's Daily 5:
- I love that anyplace there is a selection of books for sale, there is immediately the opportunity to pleasantly pass a chunk of time browsing
- my first paid massage in probably 9 months
- an appointment I'd been dreading that went as well as it possibly could, and was the opposite of my expectations
- getting my grades for the semester back and having them be really good and feeling like I can actually hope that the nursing thing might actually happen this fall
- the smell of rainy air
- freebies - samples in the mail and via other routes today
- a moment when I felt God whispering and reminding me to keep pursuing healing
- lots of time to read as I rode buses to and from three separate appointments and waited for those appointments today - I started and finished a perfectly enjoyable brainless novel - just nice light reading - and it was lovely
- food at mom and dad's
- the promise of my favorite Almond Joy bars from a friend arriving tomorrow (Today was a day that needed chocolate and didn't have any, so this is a very sweet thing to anticipate.)
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