The Only Problem I Have With These Mysteries

Yesterday I came across a song by Caedmon's Call that has long been a favorite, and feels appropriate for the journey I find myself walking out in the present season.

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leperous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

Stand on grace

The only problem I have with these mysteries is they're so mysterious.  And I have explained so much away.  I heard this song and played it several times over, realizing anew what I've known and seen, and reminding myself again of grace, and the need to trust, even in the moments when it really does seem as if the very ground I'm standing upon is soft, and shifting.

A Prayer to End the Day

Another prayer from "Sounds of the Eternal: A Celtic Psalter" by J. Philip Newell:

It is in sleeping that my body is refreshed
It is in letting go that my soul is revived
It is in dying that I am born anew.
Bless to my my sleeping, O God,
bless to me my letting go,
bless to me my dying,
that tonight I may enter your stillness,
that tomorrow I may awake renewed,
that in the end I may be fully alive to you.
Tonight, tomorrow and always, O God,
may I be truly alive to you.

Daily 5 - Day 347

Today's Daily 5:

1. Hanging out with a friend I met when we were both bridesmaids at T & L's wedding
2. Feeling just a little bit better
3. eating supper at the table on the patio, fresh off the grill
4. making my way through the vast majority of another stats assignment
5. marking a few little niggling tasks that had been there for several days off of my list

Subject Lines and Fortune Cookie Wisdom

Have I ever mentioned that God has this tendency to send me email?  And talk to me with fortune cookies after Chinese takeout? I have a long history of awkward, funny, or convicting moments.

The following are some of the subject lines that popped up in my email over the weekend and the last day or two:

Tough Seasons Grow Us Up

A Wild Wilderness Ride

Have I found a way to take my struggles and pain to God?

Where do I abide?

You will be SAFE in the Eye of the Storm.

Then there were a few blog posts today that hit hard.

This quote from Walter Bruggemann at Marko's blog.  "Mature personhood does not come by pilgrimages of continuity, but by abrasion, disruption, and discontinuity which shatter our grasp of things and make us, at key points, not the initiators but the recipients of gifts and surprises that we often do not want to receive."

These thoughts on insecurity at Grit and Glory.

And there was the fortune cookie.  Keep in mind that I opened this fortune cookie, leftover from Chinese takeout the night before, after spending a good solid hour sobbing, talking with someone about some rampant insecurities, and self image/self confidence issues that are resurfacing in my life right now.

The fortune read: "Your qualities overshadow your weaknesses."

What made the fortune cookie even more hilarious is the fact that, as I paused to open it, I remembered several significant moments in the past where the fortune in a cookie like that has been a clear confirmation of direction.  I can't decide if I was hoping for encouragement this time, or just a dud.  Because I was definitely not really wanting to hear from God.  I was (maybe am still, depending on the moment) pretty mad at him, at his timing, at how my life is looking in the present moment.  And then my fortune confirmed what the person I'd been talking with had spent a good chunk of time trying to hear me.  And confirmed it in that, "this is not a coincidence" way, simply because I'd been reminded as I cracked open the cookie of just how often Jesus has decided to entertain himself by padding my fortune cookies with his messages to me. 

So, I guess that leaves me in a place of either trusting all these not-so-subtle messages, or of trying to ignore a point that is being clearly communicated.  My choice.  Probably not a hard one to make, though perhaps one that is harder to live, but again, an underscoring of the theme of choice that is making itself clear.

The Art of Choosing

I watched this video from TED yesterday and found it absolutely fascinating, and had to share.