There's a verse in scripture that talks about all creation groaning in need of redemption.
There's another verse that speaks of the Spirit interceding on our behalf with groans beyond words.
Somedays I think my body knows those groanings deeply. I feel and sense them in ways I can't quite explain.
Today is one of those days.
I feel a ripping. A pulling. A groaning. A longing of all creation.
And I wonder what it means.
I wonder what is coming.
And I sit unsettled in the midst of it.
Praying.
Listening.
Restless.
Resting.
Waiting.
Longing.
Groaning.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Bittersweet December
I'm finding this advent season bittersweet.
It's very marked for me with lots of first anniversaries this year. Lots of memories of anticipation. Of decisions made. Of longing. And the sudden and painful way so much of that went sideways.
It's been a hard year. I'd trade a lot of the things that happened. I'm not sure I'd trade the results. I know God so much more deeply, intimately, personally. I suppose I can't have the results without the events of the year, but if I could trade the events away and keep the results, I would in a heartbeat.
And so, this morning, I find myself longing again. More deeply than usual. Feeling the pull of the advent season, and the closeness of the tears as I reflect on the year. I'm longing for the coming of the light. For the peace and joy and hope it brings.
I wait here in the darkness and pray and long for the light. For it to come fully. For it to come quickly. For it to bring deep healing and restoration.
Come quickly Lord Jesus and have mercy on us.
It's very marked for me with lots of first anniversaries this year. Lots of memories of anticipation. Of decisions made. Of longing. And the sudden and painful way so much of that went sideways.
It's been a hard year. I'd trade a lot of the things that happened. I'm not sure I'd trade the results. I know God so much more deeply, intimately, personally. I suppose I can't have the results without the events of the year, but if I could trade the events away and keep the results, I would in a heartbeat.
And so, this morning, I find myself longing again. More deeply than usual. Feeling the pull of the advent season, and the closeness of the tears as I reflect on the year. I'm longing for the coming of the light. For the peace and joy and hope it brings.
I wait here in the darkness and pray and long for the light. For it to come fully. For it to come quickly. For it to bring deep healing and restoration.
Come quickly Lord Jesus and have mercy on us.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Poor Start
Today is a busy day. I have a bunch of things on my plate at the office, and then I'm attending (and working at) a concert tonight.
In the rush to make sure I didn't forget anything essential for the transition from office wear to something a little more appropriate for selling cds at a concert downtown tonight, I was running a little behind on time. I managed to grab breakfast to bring to work with me, and a few snacks for the day, but forgot the very nice lunch that I'd packed. Which means that I'm broke, but will still have to buy lunch. Which means eating healthy is kinda going out the window today. A & W here I come (courtesy of a shortened lunch hour so that I can leave the office early to be on time for the concert - which my company is also a corporate sponsor of). A & W is the only cheap food in 5 minutes walking distance. Oh well.
Here's hoping the rest of the day works out better than the beginning has!
In the rush to make sure I didn't forget anything essential for the transition from office wear to something a little more appropriate for selling cds at a concert downtown tonight, I was running a little behind on time. I managed to grab breakfast to bring to work with me, and a few snacks for the day, but forgot the very nice lunch that I'd packed. Which means that I'm broke, but will still have to buy lunch. Which means eating healthy is kinda going out the window today. A & W here I come (courtesy of a shortened lunch hour so that I can leave the office early to be on time for the concert - which my company is also a corporate sponsor of). A & W is the only cheap food in 5 minutes walking distance. Oh well.
Here's hoping the rest of the day works out better than the beginning has!
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Reading again...
I read another chapter in Robert Benson's "Living Prayer" tonight.
This time it was perhaps the most simple and helpful and deeply profound thoughts on intercession that I've ever encountered.
When he talked about it, so many of the things I've experienced this last year made sense.
And I love an author who can write about such a profound topic as intercession without using the word intercession or intercessor every other sentence. I think he maybe only used the word intercession twice in the entire chapter.
Plus, I love an author who admits to stumbling and bumbling his way towards the answers. Most of my favorite authors write like that. I'm not interested in reading the ones who pretend to have it all together. Having it all together seems like such a false way of living.
Anyway, here are a couple of the many favorite quotes I marked in the chapter I read tonight:
If we pray, and if we believe that God listens to our prayer, then to spend that audience on behalf of someone else is an act of selflessness that is larger than it seems. At some level, our prayer - spoken or unspoken, written or read aloud, experienced in silence or lived out in the work of our hands and feet - is all that we have to offer each other. And it can be the best that we ever give each other as well. (pg. 131)
Perhaps God does not need me to pray for myself or for others because He needs help figuring out what to do or needs some degree of persuasion on our part before He is willing to do good for somebody. Perhaps God needs me to pray so that I can be about the business of laying myself and the people and places and things I care about on the altar. It is okay if I do not know what is to happen next. I just need to be laying them out on the rocks - with hope, with faith, with diligence, with attention, with compassion.
Then I need to listen, listen for the prayer of God that is rising in my heart, perhaps for the prayer that I should be praying rather than the one that I am praying. (pg.133-134)
This time it was perhaps the most simple and helpful and deeply profound thoughts on intercession that I've ever encountered.
When he talked about it, so many of the things I've experienced this last year made sense.
And I love an author who can write about such a profound topic as intercession without using the word intercession or intercessor every other sentence. I think he maybe only used the word intercession twice in the entire chapter.
Plus, I love an author who admits to stumbling and bumbling his way towards the answers. Most of my favorite authors write like that. I'm not interested in reading the ones who pretend to have it all together. Having it all together seems like such a false way of living.
Anyway, here are a couple of the many favorite quotes I marked in the chapter I read tonight:
If we pray, and if we believe that God listens to our prayer, then to spend that audience on behalf of someone else is an act of selflessness that is larger than it seems. At some level, our prayer - spoken or unspoken, written or read aloud, experienced in silence or lived out in the work of our hands and feet - is all that we have to offer each other. And it can be the best that we ever give each other as well. (pg. 131)
Perhaps God does not need me to pray for myself or for others because He needs help figuring out what to do or needs some degree of persuasion on our part before He is willing to do good for somebody. Perhaps God needs me to pray so that I can be about the business of laying myself and the people and places and things I care about on the altar. It is okay if I do not know what is to happen next. I just need to be laying them out on the rocks - with hope, with faith, with diligence, with attention, with compassion.
Then I need to listen, listen for the prayer of God that is rising in my heart, perhaps for the prayer that I should be praying rather than the one that I am praying. (pg.133-134)
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