Bittersweet December

I'm finding this advent season bittersweet.

It's very marked for me with lots of first anniversaries this year. Lots of memories of anticipation. Of decisions made. Of longing. And the sudden and painful way so much of that went sideways.

It's been a hard year. I'd trade a lot of the things that happened. I'm not sure I'd trade the results. I know God so much more deeply, intimately, personally. I suppose I can't have the results without the events of the year, but if I could trade the events away and keep the results, I would in a heartbeat.

And so, this morning, I find myself longing again. More deeply than usual. Feeling the pull of the advent season, and the closeness of the tears as I reflect on the year. I'm longing for the coming of the light. For the peace and joy and hope it brings.

I wait here in the darkness and pray and long for the light. For it to come fully. For it to come quickly. For it to bring deep healing and restoration.

Come quickly Lord Jesus and have mercy on us.