Curled up...

I am curled up in a chair in the corner of my bedroom, trying to be cozy, and ignore the snow and cold outside my window.

I'm munching on honey roasted peanuts, and mandarin oranges.

I'm wrapped in a favorite blanket.

I'm falling in love with children's movies again. (They seem to be some of the few that I can watch safely these days, without worrying about nightmares, dreams, or other odd effects.) I've watched two in the last day or so. "Kung Fu Panda," which made me laugh and laugh (I do love Jack Black!), and "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" which reawakens a child-like delight and sense of joy and wonder in me each and every time I watch it.

I'm wearing a favorite sweater. An over-sized, chunky, cable knit wool sweater, roughly the color of oatmeal, stolen years ago from my dad's wardrobe. A purchase straight from Ireland, a souvenir of a summer he spent back packing around Europe in the late seventies. It's a comfort item really, and always the sweater I reach for first on chilly weekend days, to pair with jeans, a blanket, my favorite chair, and a good book.

There are hymns playing in the background, solo piano arrangements of long-time favorites. No voices, just the piano, bringing life to the words that resonate in my heart from early childhood.

I've scattered lit candles around my bedroom. Something like 11 of them. My bedroom is in the back corner of our house, and has two outside walls, and as such can be a bit drafty at times. The candles cut the chill, and add light and and atmosphere to my space.

There is a hint of lavender in the air (from one of the candles), and a scent of incense (I've burnt a bit of one of my favorites at intervals through the afternoon.

I've spent the afternoon with the book of Jeremiah, captured at moments by the words of the "weeping prophet." Words that are stirring my heart, and causing my fingers to move a pen across the pages of my journal.

My heart, for the moment at least, is quiet. And so, I leave you with these words from Jeremiah...

This is what the Lord says:
"Don't let the wise boast in their wisdom,
or the powerful boast in their power,
or the rich boast in their riches.
But those who wish to boast
should boast in this alone:
that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord
who demonstrates unfailing love
and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth,
and that I delight in these things.
I, the Lord, have spoken!"
(Jeremiah 9:23-24 NLT)

Unless a grain of wheat...

I took this photo in my favorite park this morning. I've been taking a lot of photos of grass and wheat like plants lately. The phrase "unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies..." has been running through my head with a great deal of frequency recently.

I've been dreading the coming of winter in many ways this year. More than just the usual ways. I've dreaded more than the colder weather, or the snow. I've dreaded the season of death, and dormancy. Of cold and waiting and wondering and watching.

Last winter was long, and very marked by pain, and, as this winter has drawn nearer, I've found myself fighting against it, wondering whether or not I would be able to survive such a season again.

"unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies..." Over and over, on repeat in my head. Grass and wheat capturing my attention each time I venture to the park with my camera.

I long for my life to be one marked by growth, by newness, by the things of spring. I long for it to be fruitful.

"unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it cannot bear fruit."

May my life be one that is fruitful, even if the coming of fruit must first be marked with death.

First Snow

This is what the park looked like this morning.

Saturday Morning

I'm sitting at my kitchen table, eating toaster waffles for a late breakfast.

(sidenote: Every time I hear the word "waffles" or think of eating them, I hear that line of Donkey's from first Shrek movie in my head, "And in the morning I'm makin' waffles!")

My parents are out of town this weekend, which means that I need to head to their house about 3-4 times a day to feed the family dog, and let him outside for a few minutes.

I slept a bit for a change last night. I haven't been sleeping much lately, and I've had even fewer nights without odd and disturbing dreams, so a night with some sleep (I think I only woke about 3 times) and no disturbing dreams is a blessing that should be noted.

Upon waking, I lazed for nearly an hour in bed, before dressing in favorite, comfy but cute weekend clothes, and heading for mom and dad's. I fed the dog, and headed for my favorite park to walk for a bit.

This was a good morning for the park. Not yet too cold to really enjoy a walk. And the animals were out. I saw a doe making her way up from the creek, where she'd been drinking. And a young buck eating in the midst of the trees. The chickadees were dancing and playing in the trees and bushes, and I felt blessed by the quiet and the peace and the beauty of the natural realm.

A quick stop to get gas for George, another quick stop at mom and dad's to let the dog outside, and I made my way to Ikea. They had my favorite tea-lights on sale for nearly half price. So, I bought 400 of them!

Then home, and waffles.

In a little while I'll head out to drive my roommate to work, and then I'll head to a used clothing store on a quest for a dressier winter jacket, and maybe some pants for work.

I'll do some sewing this afternoon, and likely attend a church service tonight. Somewhere in there I may take the recycling to the bottle depot to claim my refund, and buy groceries. Somewhere in there I will definitely be back at mom and dad's to feed and let the dog out. I may even work on a creative project that popped into my head last night as I was resting on th couch.

It's the sort of day I like best. Relaxed, yet productive. Very few plans set in stone, but lots of things to anticipate. I'm feeling like myself again, after a day and a half of wrestling with God and life.

Happy Saturday!

Decisions that Define Us

A dear friend sent this to me a little while ago. She knows me well. (And it's probably a good thing that she didn't send it any earlier in the day today - this has not been a banner day for me.)

It's been the sort of day where I had to make decisions again. Decisions to choose life. To choose Christ. To choose joy. To choose peace. To choose hope.

I made those decisions, and then got an email from my friend with a link to this video. I'll be watching it often, I think. I needed to hear the things it speaks.