I received another very challenging email from Henri Nouwen this morning... speaks to some things I've been thinking about lately...
True Intimacy
Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.
It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Discombobulated
I’m feeling sort of discombobulated today.
Could be the five(ish) hours of sleep I got last night, or the dream I had before waking. Could be any number of things.
I’m missing the button on my pants. It came off as I was getting dressed. I have it in my pocket, since I didn’t have time to sew it back on. I’m not even sure I own a needle and appropriately colored thread at this point. I put a belt on instead. Hiding the way the waistband of my pants gaps, and effectively keeping my pants up.
I was just in the bathroom here at the office, and a glance in the mirror reminded me that I am also missing a set of earrings. I have two piercings in each ear lobe. Yesterday I wore funky dangly earrings to work instead of the basic gold posts I wear probably 85% of the time. I never put my posts back in when I got home last night, and today, I am earringless – which only matters when you consider that I have posts in my top piercing, but not my bottom one.
I’m making mental lists. Things I need to do today. Things at work that need to be done today. Things at work that need to be done this week. Things that need to be done at home, but not necessarily today. Emails I need to write. Journal thoughts that need to be recorded. I’m mentally working through the lists – almost to the point of putting them on paper – working to sort and prioritize and figure out what needs to be done when. I’m out of practice at sorting and prioritizing, and it’s taking a lot of mental energy.
Coming back to the office after five weeks away is a bit of a challenge. New people, some gone. A mess on my desk because apparently my replacement did a less than stellar job of filling my job.
There was one day in Rome where I spent the whole day fighting a mental and spiritual battle. Wandering through a beautiful place, with dear friends, and only half-way engaged with what I was seeing and doing. It was an old battle, one I’ve fought before, and one I expect to fight again.
I’m feeling a little of that battle today. And it’s making me discombobulated.
Could be the five(ish) hours of sleep I got last night, or the dream I had before waking. Could be any number of things.
I’m missing the button on my pants. It came off as I was getting dressed. I have it in my pocket, since I didn’t have time to sew it back on. I’m not even sure I own a needle and appropriately colored thread at this point. I put a belt on instead. Hiding the way the waistband of my pants gaps, and effectively keeping my pants up.
I was just in the bathroom here at the office, and a glance in the mirror reminded me that I am also missing a set of earrings. I have two piercings in each ear lobe. Yesterday I wore funky dangly earrings to work instead of the basic gold posts I wear probably 85% of the time. I never put my posts back in when I got home last night, and today, I am earringless – which only matters when you consider that I have posts in my top piercing, but not my bottom one.
I’m making mental lists. Things I need to do today. Things at work that need to be done today. Things at work that need to be done this week. Things that need to be done at home, but not necessarily today. Emails I need to write. Journal thoughts that need to be recorded. I’m mentally working through the lists – almost to the point of putting them on paper – working to sort and prioritize and figure out what needs to be done when. I’m out of practice at sorting and prioritizing, and it’s taking a lot of mental energy.
Coming back to the office after five weeks away is a bit of a challenge. New people, some gone. A mess on my desk because apparently my replacement did a less than stellar job of filling my job.
There was one day in Rome where I spent the whole day fighting a mental and spiritual battle. Wandering through a beautiful place, with dear friends, and only half-way engaged with what I was seeing and doing. It was an old battle, one I’ve fought before, and one I expect to fight again.
I’m feeling a little of that battle today. And it’s making me discombobulated.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Monday afternoon thoughts
It's my last day of freedom. Tomorrow I go back to work, and to what I suspect is going to be quite a mess.
I'm sitting here, ensconced on the couch in our living room, as I have been for much of the time since I got home last Tuesday evening. Comfortable, with books and a journal within easy reach, and writing (which I've spent great chunks of time engaged in since returning home as well).
My roommate just went out for a bit, taking our recycling with her. She has errands to run for a while, and I'm meaning to make the most of a quiet house to accomplish one last push of journaling before returning to work and being unable to devote long chunks of my day to writing, thinking, praying.
She and I, and my brother, T., went to Elbow Falls this morning for a while. A place I love to go - close to the city, but no longer in it - in what can rightly be referred to as wilderness. I don't think I can live in the city much longer. I think I need a break. A slower pace of life. I want to live somewhere where I can walk to the grocery store - where I can walk within 30 minutes to most of the places I would need to be. I want to live somewhere with friends and community. I'm not ready to transplant myself just yet (I don't want to go through any more transitions for a little while) - there's even a neighborhood in Calgary that I've loved for a long time that would fit a lot of my qualifications. I'm not ready to move anytime soon, but I'm starting to think about it, to pray about it, to wait for Jesus to direct my next steps.
And with that, I'm off to work on the writing...
I'm sitting here, ensconced on the couch in our living room, as I have been for much of the time since I got home last Tuesday evening. Comfortable, with books and a journal within easy reach, and writing (which I've spent great chunks of time engaged in since returning home as well).
My roommate just went out for a bit, taking our recycling with her. She has errands to run for a while, and I'm meaning to make the most of a quiet house to accomplish one last push of journaling before returning to work and being unable to devote long chunks of my day to writing, thinking, praying.
She and I, and my brother, T., went to Elbow Falls this morning for a while. A place I love to go - close to the city, but no longer in it - in what can rightly be referred to as wilderness. I don't think I can live in the city much longer. I think I need a break. A slower pace of life. I want to live somewhere where I can walk to the grocery store - where I can walk within 30 minutes to most of the places I would need to be. I want to live somewhere with friends and community. I'm not ready to transplant myself just yet (I don't want to go through any more transitions for a little while) - there's even a neighborhood in Calgary that I've loved for a long time that would fit a lot of my qualifications. I'm not ready to move anytime soon, but I'm starting to think about it, to pray about it, to wait for Jesus to direct my next steps.
And with that, I'm off to work on the writing...
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Appearance and Comfort
Can I be completely shallow for a few minutes and tell you that I looked really good today?
That I wore a really cute jean skirt, and one of my favorite slightly bohemian tops, with great earrings and a scarf from Malta. That I paired the skirt with comfy tights (since it's winter) and these really cute suede boots that I also bought in Malta.
That I showered and did my hair. That I wore my favorite perfume, and took time to carefully do my makeup.
That I felt pretty, and it was nice to feel that way.
Can I also just say that I am just presently taking great pleasure in the fact that I've come home for the evening, scrubbed my face clean of the make-up, re-applied some lip balm (my lips are dry since returning from the Mediterranean), and changed clothes. I'm comfortable and happy. I'm wearing my favorite yoga capris, and a flowy east indian top that someone gave my roommate, and she was wearing yesterday to clean our house. I commented on the top, and she asked if I wanted it, since she didn't particularly like it, and would never wear it out of the house. I jumped on the chance, and am already figuring out how to debut it in my everyday wardrobe, but, for the moment, I'm wearing it with yoga capris and relaxing comfortably on the couch.
Pretty is great. But comfortable is pretty good too.
That I wore a really cute jean skirt, and one of my favorite slightly bohemian tops, with great earrings and a scarf from Malta. That I paired the skirt with comfy tights (since it's winter) and these really cute suede boots that I also bought in Malta.
That I showered and did my hair. That I wore my favorite perfume, and took time to carefully do my makeup.
That I felt pretty, and it was nice to feel that way.
Can I also just say that I am just presently taking great pleasure in the fact that I've come home for the evening, scrubbed my face clean of the make-up, re-applied some lip balm (my lips are dry since returning from the Mediterranean), and changed clothes. I'm comfortable and happy. I'm wearing my favorite yoga capris, and a flowy east indian top that someone gave my roommate, and she was wearing yesterday to clean our house. I commented on the top, and she asked if I wanted it, since she didn't particularly like it, and would never wear it out of the house. I jumped on the chance, and am already figuring out how to debut it in my everyday wardrobe, but, for the moment, I'm wearing it with yoga capris and relaxing comfortably on the couch.
Pretty is great. But comfortable is pretty good too.
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