Kingdom Justice

I just saw this stat on CBC's "The Nature of Things" which was profiling Stephen Lewis.

The US spends $8 Billion a Month on Iraq.
It spent $8.3 Billion on Aids last year.

A challenging and painful thought coming on the heels of reading Shane Claiborne's book, and listening to a couple of messages by Claiborne that I downloaded from the internet.

I've got to be honest and tell you that when the US first went into Iraq, I was strongly in favor of the idea. To be honest, I wrestle still with the issues. Do I think it's probably a good thing that a dictator like Hussein has been removed? Yes. Do I still think that the American intervention is a completely good idea? No. Do I think the US should just drop everything and withdraw? I'm not sure.

And Saddam being sentenced to death... that's a conflicted thought for me too. Does part of me feel that this person who inflicted suffering on so many deserves to die? Yes. Does another part of me wonder if we are really valuing human life if we take another life as the price for those he killed? Yes.

My thinking has been changed this last while. I've been reading and talking, listening and thinking. I'm being ruined. I don't fit so well in some of the conservative circles my family and the church I grew up in inhabit. And yet they are also so much a part of me. I am asking questions about what justice looks like.

I watched this special on Stephen Lewis, and wanted to weep. I watched these beautiful African grandmothers weeping as they describe watching their children die from aids, and then describing what it is like to now be caring for their HIV positive grandchildren.

My heart broke and I was left asking - Jesus, who will care for these orphans, these widows, these broken human beings. I feel powerless and yet empowered. I live in a wealthy country. I have a bit of money to spare. I want to make a difference.

I am asking what the justice of God's kingdom looks like. I am looking to discuss, to debate, to understand this issue. I am being broken for the poor, for the women, for the orphans and widows and homeless, for the aliens. I am after God's heart, and I think my life is being forever changed.

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Inspired by My Baby Brother

My youngest brother challenges and inspires me to deeper things.

He's gone through a lot lately - had to give up music for a season (which is his passion and what he's studying in school) in order to physically heal from an injury to his wrist, and some other things. And through it all he's sought to find God, fought for peace and patience.

Then, the last couple of days he's gone through some personal and relational stuff. Nothing I can write details about, but he's been quite hurt by someone. If it were me, I'd probably hate the person, and encourage everyone I know to be equally hateful and mean. Instead, he's opted to ease out of the relationship for a season, but has asked my other brother and I to continue to build relationships, to care for and mentor this person who has hurt him so badly.

I was thinking about that on the train this morning. He asked me last night to continue to build relationship with this person, and I take the train with him on Tuesdays for the first half of our respective commutes. We chatted a bit about it and about some other things, and after I left him and continued on my way to work I was thinking about his response. We both care deeply about people, but when push comes to shove, my brother manages to model for me a far less judgemental and loving attitude in the face of tension than I have managed.

And so, today I've been challenged to be accepting in how I see and treat people that have hurt me. Do I write them off, or do I continue to wish the best for them, to want to see them continue to develop as people and as followers of Christ?

Backwards

Loving this song by Kendall Payne today... Particularly the chorus.

Backwards
You can’t go backwards you must go forward
You have not been what you could be
When you are the only one who enslaves you
Then you’re the only one who can set you free

Don’t run away, question the answers
Live your life like it’s on fire
You’re one mistake is to think that you’ve made one
Don’t run away

You can’t have mountains without the valleys
You can’t go high if you won’t go deep
You can’t do over what you’ve done already
Expecting something new to see
I will not be bought, will not be caged
Won’t stay behind my walls where it is safe
No I’m tired of trying to compensate for you
For you…

First Post from the New Computer

I'm sitting at my desk, typing on a wireless keyboard, and the words are quite magically appearing on my laptop screen, set on a stand so that the screen is at eye level, thus avoiding a crick in my neck from constantly looking down. The switch from PC to Mac went quite smoothly, and I haven't yet regretted my purchase!

To be honest with you, tonight I'm tired and a bit discouraged. Driving standard is not going well at all. I went out to do an errand tonight, and almost didn't make it home. I never stall when there's no traffic around and loads of time, only when I'm at important intersections and there are people waiting. I've become intimately aquainted with the hazard lights on my vehicle.

I had a great afternoon yesterday. Rachel came over, brought her pictures of China, and helped my decorate our Christmas tree. We decided that it looks very much like a showroom or store tree. At any rate, it's beautiful. I do love the Christmas season. It's a break in the middle of winter (which I hate) that is filled with lights and joy and anticipation, family and friends, and lots of communing over great food. We should have seasons like this more often throughout the year. Rae brought me a beautiful journal from China, and a pair of chopsticks (because she says that everyone should have chopsticks direct from China!) I'm going to miss her when she moves at the end of the month. When that happens, I will be officially without close confidante type friends in Calgary. Sad. But, on the upside, I may make a whirlwind roadtrip to Vancouver at the end of the month in a rental mini-van to help Rae move. So that will be fun!

Church was nice this morning. Very reflective. To be honest (sorry Eric!) I didn't hear much of the sermon, because I was inspired to write. So, I wrote a bit for my book. Have I mentioned that I'm writing a book? Should be easier to find inspiring places to write now that I have a laptop. I've been having a hard time with being in Calgary the last while. In fact, I know that I need to get out, but the timing hasn't worked thus far. It's been hard to write here (evidenced by the fact that more than half of what I've written for my book thus far has been written on weekend trips out of town!). But, at least with the laptop I can pack myself up and go curl up in a coffee shop somewhere and write for a couple of hours. Maybe a change in scenery will help!

And with that, I'm off to do some reading and probably crawl into bed. Monday morning comes early (especially since I'm still taking the train) and I want to feel like I at least made the attempt to rest before tackling work for a new week!

Quoting Claiborne

I'm still reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. I'm continually amazed when I pick up books that clearly articulate some of the things that I've been thinking about, or the things that are challenging me internally.

Now, here's the deal, I am far too selfish a person to happily live the kind of lifestyle that Clairborne lives. I value my possessions a bit too highly perhaps. I don't want to be arrested. But, I am challenged by Clairborne's thoughts anyway. And, I want you to read a couple of paragraphs that I read while I was laying in the bathtub tonight. They so clearly articulate some of the things I've been wondering about church for the last year - some of the things that were a catalyst in the recent switch I made in church communities.

He writes:

"The gospel is good news for sick people and is disturbing for those who think they've got it all together. Some of us have been told our whole lives that we are wretched, but the gospel reminds us that we are beautiful. Others of us have been told our whole lives that we are beautiful, but the gospel reminds us that we are also wretched. The church is a place where we can stand up and say we are wretched, and everyone will nod and agree and remind us that we are also beautiful.

...Community can be built around a common self-righteousness or around a common brokenness. Both are magnetic. People are drawn toward folks who have it all together, or who look like they do. People are also drawn toward folks who know they don't have it all together and are not willing to fake it.

Christianity can be build around isolating ourselves from evildoers and sinners, creating a community of religious piety and moral purity. That's the Christianity I grew up with. Christianity can also be built around joining with the broken sinners and evildoers of our world crying out to God, groaning for grace. That's the Christianity I have fallen in love with."

Seriously, people, you need to check out this book. Even if, like me, you could never manage to ascribe to the kind of lifestyle that Clairborne and his friends live out on a daily basis, you need to have your thinking challenged in this manner. You need to be inspired to make little changes in your lifestyle, by the stories of beauty that result from the big and little changes Claiborne talks about.

I fell in love somewhere over the course of the last year with a Jesus whose grace is scandalous. A Jesus who gives beauty for ashes. A Jesus who seems more interested in the sinners than in the morally pure. And along the way I've been told that I was crazy (literally, someone told me I needed counselling), I've been confused because I couldn't find this Jesus in some of the communities I was a part of, and I've been overwhelmed by the places and things I've found myself walking into because of this crazy, scandalously gracious lover of mine. But it's been worth it! Even if my life has been ruined!