Stiff

My back and neck are protesting my very existence today, and my eyes are fighting to stay open, even in the classes I'm most interested in. I spent something like nine hours yesterday starting the process of moving back into my bedroom. I carried umpteen boxes of books, clothes, odds and ends, etc, etc. up the stairs from the basement. I'm mostly there.

My computer isn't back in my space yet, so it will still be a little while before the "serious" writing begins again. Plus, I have two midterms and a paper due on Thursday this week. (Here's hoping I get the extension on the paper that I've requested!) But soon - I have lots to hash out in writing, and can't wait for the release of curling up at my desk, in my own bedroom, and writing my little brain out!

In other news, nothing much came of my uneasiness on the weekend. I talked with one friend about it - we prayed together, and he said the sense he had was that it was my own emotions - not a God thing, not an attack. Okay. Still not a great thing that my emotions can get that out of whack, but okay. I was so distracted. It got worse through the whole day. I had such a hard time concentrating at church on Sunday night - which sucks, because Sheri preached a great message, and I just couldn't focus or respond the way I would have liked. But, I'm thankful for friends with greater discernment than me. Friends that I can grab, and throw something like this overwhelming sense of uneasiness or fear in their lap, and know that they will catch it, pray with me, and help me deal with whatever's going on.

I must be off. I need to go to one more class, and then I'm ditching my last class to go home early, start studying, and maybe catch a nap before house church tonight. My head aches. My next class is boring - world history - but material I've covered a zillion times. I'm hoping to get some reading for one of my midterms done while the prof lectures, and if that doesn't work, then I'll pretend to make notes while really journalling, or outlining my paper.

Off Days

I'm having a weird couple of days. I woke up yesterday morning after a great night with friends Friday night, and everything was just "off." I couldn't peg it, but it played out in some ugly bursts of temper and tears, unfairly directed at people around me. It played out in laziness, too. In short, I acted something like a five year old who didn't get her way.

I went out again last night - saw Blue Like Jazz Live again with a different friend. (Still fantastic by the way!) We hung out for a while, hooked up with some other friends, and I was doing okay.

They dropped me off, and I tried to sleep. (I'm leaving for work in ten minutes). I knew I needed to be at least semi-alert this morning. But, again, something was so "off." I lay there, feeling uneasy, and upset - my stomach thudding around in the way that happens when I'm stressed. I prayed - "God, what's going on here... reveal the source of my unease... etc." Nothing. Finally I slept. Sort of. If you consider tossing and turning true sleep, and if you consider waking up at least four times in the six and a half hours I was in bed true sleep.

I'm still feeling "off" this morning. Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall. Some silent, uncomfortable sense of foreboding - of forthcoming bad things. I have a full day planned. Work, then dinner with a friend and her boyfriend, then church, and probably hanging out after church. If you find this today, say a prayer for me. When this kind of thing settles on me, things start spiraling downward - the depression kicks up, I spend time confused, and over analyzing because I'm trying to peg what's going on. Pray for clarity, or peace, or something...

And, with that I'm off to work... cranky brides, here I come!

Blue Like Jazz Live

Christian drama can either be really good, or really really bad. That's a statement of fact. When you decided to attend a dramatic event that is "Christian" you have to hedge your bets and keep your expectations low, because there are far more of the really really bad than the really good.

I started seeing posters around campus on my university a couple weeks back for a performance entitled "Blue Like Jazz Live". I read the posters pretty carefully, wondering if it had anything to do with the book "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller, which I had recently read and loved. It did. I was definitely interested, but afraid the performance would be one of the really really bad variety, and would ruin what was a fantastic book.

Then, a couple people I trust to have decent taste reccommended the play. Okay, so I'll check it out. I watched the trailer on the internet (here) and talked some friends into coming with me. Last night we drove to a church that was just outside the city, and bought tickets and sat down to wait.

It was really really GOOD. I mean it. If you ever have a chance to see Jason Hildebrand do this performance, jump at it. It was brilliant. We laughed until we nearly cried. And then we got hit by the truth so carefully crafted into Donald Miller's stories. After it was over, we headed out to a pub. We needed to sit and talk. We talked about a wide variety of things, but our conversation was peppered with quotes from the play.

I was driving home with a friend, and the only thing that disappointed us was the "come to our church" message that the pastor of the church finished with. We talked about whether or not we would bring non-believers to this one - we would. We would hope that the pastor wouldn't do that sort of message, but my friend aptly commented that he thought that any smart person would catch that this kind of proselytization speech was exactly the kind of thing that the play addressed and debunked.

For those of you in Calgary, who read this today. Go see the play tonight. And call me if you go, because I'd love to see it again. It was worth every penny. If you're not in Calgary, but you're going to be at the Nashville YS convention next week, watch for the play there. That will be it's American debut. Or, if you're in Calgary, you could contact me in a couple of weeks, and borrow the DVD of the performance that I ordered. I guarantee it won't be as good as watching it live, but it's worth it to see it anyway. I just have to wait for it to be mailed to me.

Remember.

In honor of Remembrance Day, and the soldiers who both gave their lives to our country's freedom, or fought and survived the battle, I proudly wear a poppy, and present to you two poems - the classic "Flander's Fields" seen everywhere in Canada at this time of year, but still so poignant, and another favorite war poem of mine.

In Flanders Fields
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it hight.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
(Robert McCrae)

An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier tahn before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.
(W.B. Yeats)


We Remember.

Bullet Points are a Blogger's Best Friend

I've had to become more creative with my titles for random posts. I think people will stop reading if I keep using titles like "Random Thoughts" or "Random Update." These titles clearly display my innate lack of creativity, and will turn people away from my stellar posts simply by being bland. Okay, now that that's off my chest.... A RANDOM UPDATE!

• Remembrance Day poppies are important. Buy one, support the veterans, and remember the contributions of those who fought and died for our country and for the freedoms so many of us enjoy.
• Remebrance Day poppies are also dangerous. I caught my right thumb on the stickpin on my poppy last night, and slit it open from end to end. Six bandaids later, it looks like I've been involved in some sort of major catastrophe, but I've really just demonstrated my innate ability to harm myself in the strangest ways. Now, it's only a flesh wound, not serious, but it's two and a half inches long, was bleeding, and looks gross. The bandaids were necessary, but will probably come off today, leaving my hyper-sensitive skin to display an ugly scar for the next several months.
• Cleaning the bathroom is not a reccomended first activity for the day. I tried it this morning. Kind of a nasty way to begin your day.
• I slept until nearly ten am this morning. Which would be fantastic, except that I woke up from my weirdest dream in a while. Funny how the strange ones always are the ones you wake up out of. It's nasty to start the day combating a shock, fear, whatever.
• I slept through the night one night last week. Five straight hours, no nightmares. (It was the night I had the three hour conversation with my friend that I posted about.) I announced this good news to some friends I was having dinner with after church on Sunday night. They gave me a "so what" look that I found amusing. Their blank stares were quite funny. I had to explain that I haven't experienced that in something like two years, and it was definitely a fact worthy of announcement.
• I've had a crazy "God" week. He's been showing up in my life in ways I never would have expected, and never would have wanted, and I've had to go along for the ride. And it's been good, crazy, but good.
• Never pray, "God, my life is open to you." Or do, but expect strangeness to abound! My friends laughed at me last night as I described some of the crazier events of this past week. I've begun referring to them as "Lisa's crazy charismatic moments." I'm somewhat bemused by the whole thing. I want God so desperately. I love that he's showing up in my life. But the ways he's showing up are throwing me for a loop. I keep telling my friends when they laugh at my confusion - "you don't understand. I'm not from a background where things like this happen! I was okay with being the token conservative, non-charismatic in our group!"
• Not that you're all ridiculously curious about my experiences of the last week, I'm not going to tell you. You can ask me in person, and maybe I'll share, or you can watch the blog, and, as some things become clearer, they may appear here - but really, if you ask me in person you'll get the full effect of my own bewilderment and sarcastic wit surrounding this - I can get a pretty good rant going if I'm feeling inspired, and this is inspiring me! And, based on the friends who've experienced that, it's guaranteed to make you laugh - at me, with me, because God is doing crazy things to me.
• Last, but not least, I'm pumped to be going to see "Blue Like Jazz Live" on Friday night. You can find the trailer here. If you're in town, and are interested in coming with a bunch of us, the cost is $7, and you can call me for details!
• Alrighty then. I think I'm done for the moment. Whew... feels good to get that all off my chest. I'm off to watch M*A*S*H* for a bit, possibly move some stuff back into my bedroom, and then head to work at 3. If you need to buy a wedding gift tonight, I'm your girl - I'll be at work from 3-9 - stop in and see me!