So, I found work. I'm going to move up in the world from a china store, to the gift registry department of a major department store. At least the pay is better, and it's work for the summer.
But, to help out the china store, since they're getting really short staffed and only have three weeks left, I'm going to keep working there until the end of the month. So, instead of having two leisurely days off a week, I only have one day off in the next two weeks. I work Sunday and Monday (that will make six straight days) get Tuesday off, then work the next eleven days, some days at both stores. I think I'm insane, but I keep reminding myself that I want to buy a new bed this summer, and this will help pay not only for the bed, but for my tuition in the fall!
All this to say that my blogging might be a bit scarce for the next several weeks. In between two jobs, personal and church commitments, and the need to sleep, I may not be devoting a lot of time to writing! But in July, I'll hopefully be back with a vengeance!
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
Once More
Okay, so I really don't have a large readership, and I do keep sending you away, but you have to read this meditation. I found it while exploring links from a friend's blog. Check out this "Unexpected Meditation".
Thursday, June 02, 2005
A Day to Send You Elsewhere
So, since my blog has such an astronomically large readership, I thought I'd start sending my readers elsewhere, see if I can lose a few of you!
Actually, what's really going on is that when I come across something that strikes me as somehow brilliant, I just have to share it. So, without further ado, go read the article entitled "Twelve Ways to Know God" by Catholic philosopher Peter Kreeft, here. Then, come back and let me know what you think!
Actually, what's really going on is that when I come across something that strikes me as somehow brilliant, I just have to share it. So, without further ado, go read the article entitled "Twelve Ways to Know God" by Catholic philosopher Peter Kreeft, here. Then, come back and let me know what you think!
Laugh of the Week
I just spent the last ten minutes laughing out loud. I admit it - I have an extremely sarcastic sense of humor. On Tuesday night, a friend gave me a website to check out, and today I did. If you like sarcastic, somewhat mocking humor, you MUST visit despair.com. And James, if you're reading this - you made my day by suggesting this one!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
A Call to Go Deeper
Over the past several months I have been priviledged to hear from a number of different sources a call to take faith and community to a deeper level. Particularly noteworthy in my mind was a talk given by Pete Greig at the 24-7 Prayer Canada Launch Weekend at the beginning of April.
The call has been couched in terms of committment, in terms of willingness to surrender even greater parts of one's self to Christ. I have come away inspired, but frustrated.
I am living in a place where I feel so entrenched that I seem to be completely unable to move. Greig spoke of a vow to go deeper, done in community with what the Celts referred to as "cymbrogi" - companions of the heart. I have longed for the depth of that sort of relationship, but have not found it often or easily.
I find it incredibly difficult to build relationships that are deep and meaningful. I am an introvert by nature. I am a pastor's daughter, exposed to the hypocrisy and mean spirited nature of parts of the church at large at a very young age. I find it nearly impossible to trust others. I am more than willing to share my heart, but I share it with very little expectation that it will remain confidential.
How can one be called to go deeper, when one can barely survive in the shallows? How can the longing of my heart continue be for something so much more, when my heart is nearly collapsing under the pain of the journey? How can a life lived in fear be overcome to allow for something more to occur?
My deep desire is to live in a community where I am known and valued, where I have a god-given role to play. I want to know and value others in the same way I want to be known and valued. My desire is to find cymbrogi to share life with, but I wonder who would want to share life with someone as broken and hurting as me.
I don't say this with any sort of levity. I want so badly to find my niche - the place in which God has uniquely called me to serve and exist. And yet, I feel that I have nothing to offer to God or others. Most days I have to work to get out of bed without feeling miserable. I have more questions about God than answers, and spend more time angry and frustrated with him than filled with his joy and peace. I very rarely volunteer myself to serve, because I have become convinced that I at this moment have little to offer. I told myself that it was time to take a break from always being the one doing the "ministering" and allow myself to be ministered to. The trouble with that is that I have now been sidelined for two years. I am in worse emotional and spiritual shape than when I first allowed myself time off.
Can God use someone as useless as I feel? And how, when he is so painfully silent do I find that place that he is calling me to serve? How do I respond from this place of pain to a challenge to "go deeper"?
The call has been couched in terms of committment, in terms of willingness to surrender even greater parts of one's self to Christ. I have come away inspired, but frustrated.
I am living in a place where I feel so entrenched that I seem to be completely unable to move. Greig spoke of a vow to go deeper, done in community with what the Celts referred to as "cymbrogi" - companions of the heart. I have longed for the depth of that sort of relationship, but have not found it often or easily.
I find it incredibly difficult to build relationships that are deep and meaningful. I am an introvert by nature. I am a pastor's daughter, exposed to the hypocrisy and mean spirited nature of parts of the church at large at a very young age. I find it nearly impossible to trust others. I am more than willing to share my heart, but I share it with very little expectation that it will remain confidential.
How can one be called to go deeper, when one can barely survive in the shallows? How can the longing of my heart continue be for something so much more, when my heart is nearly collapsing under the pain of the journey? How can a life lived in fear be overcome to allow for something more to occur?
My deep desire is to live in a community where I am known and valued, where I have a god-given role to play. I want to know and value others in the same way I want to be known and valued. My desire is to find cymbrogi to share life with, but I wonder who would want to share life with someone as broken and hurting as me.
I don't say this with any sort of levity. I want so badly to find my niche - the place in which God has uniquely called me to serve and exist. And yet, I feel that I have nothing to offer to God or others. Most days I have to work to get out of bed without feeling miserable. I have more questions about God than answers, and spend more time angry and frustrated with him than filled with his joy and peace. I very rarely volunteer myself to serve, because I have become convinced that I at this moment have little to offer. I told myself that it was time to take a break from always being the one doing the "ministering" and allow myself to be ministered to. The trouble with that is that I have now been sidelined for two years. I am in worse emotional and spiritual shape than when I first allowed myself time off.
Can God use someone as useless as I feel? And how, when he is so painfully silent do I find that place that he is calling me to serve? How do I respond from this place of pain to a challenge to "go deeper"?
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