Listening to the Internal Voices

I spent the whole of Monday with one of my closest friends, and it was fabulous to have that time to be together.  Since we have lived (and will live for the foreseeable future) on separate continents, in person, non-skype or email conversations are precious and to be cherished.  We talked about the funny, and the important, and the deeply personal, and everything in between.

We met up again for dinner after I finished class on Tuesday night, and invited another long-time friend of mine and acquaintance of L's to join us for dinner and drinks.  The conversation and laughter flowed freely again.

As I took the bus home on Tuesday night, I found myself pondering those conversations, pondering the things I'd shared first with L, and then with both of these friends who know and have known the deepest parts of me quite well.  I pondered the things I shared, and listened as a new internal voice that I've been noticing lately began to once again make itself known.

It's not a voice that is familiar, though I know it as mine.  It's not a voice that is comfortable, though I find the comfort growing.  It's a voice that makes me laugh and cringe all at once, in anticipation and nervousness abounding.

It's a voice that I hope to welcome, one that I want to give heed to.  One that calls me to pay attention, and to bring it's words before some trusted external voices and advisors in my life.

I'm anticipating where it is taking me, but in the meantime, I'm trying to sit quietly and let it find it's place.  Let this thing within my soul find full voice.  I'm trying to honor that.  And so I listen and ponder and pray as it speaks and grows in strength within me.  As it tentatively roots itself in my soul and begins again a process of transformation.  I sit and listen and pray and wait.