Held

With all the scheduling of posts I do to accomodate my various weekly series, and my work schedule, I feel like this space often doesn't have the day to day journal feel that it has so often had. I'm hoping to get back to sharing in that manner in the days to come, but lately have really struggled to find words, and to balance the things I want to share with the world with the things that need to be treasured and guarded within me.

That said, let me share a little with you today.

This has been a really hard week. One where the highs were really high, and the lows were really low. There has been relational stuff, and work stuff, and personal stuff, and health stuff. I don't really recommend it, actually. There have been joys of experiencing new things, and struggles with family. There has been the ongoing struggle to find a healthy balance of work and social and rest, and this week has not been a success in that way.

And yet, in a way I haven't experienced in a while, I've been incredibly aware of Jesus drawing near, and offering peace. Not storms being stilled, or necessarily even shelter from the storms, but a stillness and sense of protection in the midst of the buffeting.

Last weekend Kirsten posted a beautiful tribute to her son Ewan on his first birthday. (As a side note, you really need to check out Kirsten's blog, and Ewan's story if you haven't.) One of the songs she used in the video was "Held" by Natalie Grant. Honestly, as I watched the video at the time, I was so caught up in the images she was sharing (and the tears that came in watching the tribute to her special little boy), that I wasn't paying all that much attention to the lyrics of the song.  They are however, very appropriate for Kirsten and James and Ewan's story, and they have stayed with me this week.

One line in particular has played over and over in my head through this week:

"This is what it means to be held."

As I have navigated the highs and lows, the joy and the pain, I have been aware of something underlying it all.  In the middle of the day on Wednesday I paused, considered that underlying sense, and had to smile.  "So that's what 'peace that passes understanding' feels like."  This week, as I've talked with Jesus through all the things that have gone on, I have had peace that has surprised and comforted me.  I have been held.  And I'm so grateful for that