Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A Spinning, Discombobulated Post

If yesterday was the first day of spring, well, it made a poor showing here in Calgary, arriving with blustery dampness, and more snow, leaving me sleepy and rambling as I sat on the bus and pondered the fact that I had nothing planned for my blog for today.

I try to write these morning posts ahead of time, taking a chunk of time out of my weekend and sitting down to construct a string of thoughtful ponderings, book reviews and whatever fun things I encounter.

I'm writing this post at nearly midnight on Monday night, only hours before it will go live.  And it's the only post I've managed to schedule for this week thus far.

I feel a bit at a loss for words.

I have one book review I badly want to write, but I'm still working to form words around the way the words of another author are shaping my heart in this season.  I wish I could take each of you out for tea instead, paging through the book, reading favorite bits to you, trying to expound with facial expression and tone what I can't quite find the words for.

I'm reading another book that I'm quite sure will need a post of it's own as well.  It's about as different from the first as possible, polar opposites, really, though both are memoirs of sorts, written by women.  But this book, too, is working on my heart and mind in interesting ways.

This is a week full of school and people.  On the school front, there is the perpetual need to tackle Greek and Latin vocabulary lessons, a project to prepare, and a term paper to research and write, and the never ending assigned readings to accomplish.  On the people front, there is a lunch with my pastor, house church on Thursday evening (which I'm leading these days, so that will require my time as well), and arranged times to have meals or coffee or visits with at least three good friends who I simply don't manage to see regularly.

Life is moving quickly these days, and my internal world seems to spin as well, leaving me discombobulated, at a loss for words, and regularly turning an incredulous countenance to Jesus with the question, "Did you really say what I think you just said?"

The author Susan Isaacs has a line about conversation with God that goes, "Sarcasm is a viable form of communication."  My relationship with God is definitely marked all too regularly with a sarcastic quotation of one of my favorite Grey's Anatomy lines, "Seriously? Seriously?"

(Though I find myself working these days for a tone less marked with sarcasm and more characterized by a peaceful and trusting acquiescence.)

In the midst of the spinning it seems to be a season where I just don't have as many words to share in a public forum, nor the time I'd like to craft the words I do share.  And so, there will be more of these rambling, discombobulated posts as I devote time to school, to friends, and to my spinning internal world.  But hey, at least they reflect the true state of my life!


christianne said...

You don't need me to tell you this, but I think it's totally okay to let some things drop in favor of what life is asking in a certain season. If blogging slows, that's okay. We're still here and still your friends and caring about your life. (This is when I love Facebook for keeping us up in the dailies, when time for deeper, more thoughtful reflection is scarce!)

I've certainly been there myself a number of times, and sometimes we have to just do what is best for us, our sanity, and the health of our inner world. :-)

Lisa said...

mmm... thanks for the reminder, Christianne. (And yes, facebook is great for the daily keeping up :) )

who knows, maybe it will slow, or maybe, like today, there will be a fun prompt somewhere that will pop up - something I can write quickly without a ton of introspection and soul exposing that I'm not so able to do publicly at the moment :)

thought of you yesterday, actually. I had lunch with someone and we were talking about spiritual direction... was a good conversation... I'll have to share it with you at some point when I catch my breath from this week and have time to jot it down :)