Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Start Again

By the time I went to bed last night, I was well and truly done.  Complete emotional and physical exhaustion.

My head is reminding me that I missed so many supplements yesterday, and that they make a huge difference in my ability to cope. 

My heart is reminding me that bad days happen, and that I can be gentle with myself and have a bad day (or several) without panicking that depression is returning.

That was a gift of insight that came over the weekend.  That the pulling inward and the self protection in the face of this hard transition are things I need to keep an eye on, but that having some really hard emotional days doesn't mean that depression is returning, and that I don't need to fear that pulling inward, those bad days.

It's sort of easier said than done.  But I'm trying.

At least I got a bit of sleep last night.  That I'm thankful for.

And our out of town staff is in the office this week, and the company is providing lunch for everyone - that's been nice too.

I visited with one of the wives of those staff members for a while this morning.  A sweet old colony Mennonite lady that I get to see once or twice a year.  It's always fun to chat with her.

This morning I managed to (mostly) set aside the things I've been worrying around in my mind the last few days while I was on the bus and focus on the worship music I was listening to.

So there are a few good things, and I'm choosing to focus on those.

Start again.

New mercies every morning.

That's what I'm reminding myself of.  And that's what I'm on the lookout for today.