Friday, July 03, 2009

Uncertain (Still Praying)

My lunch hour was quite a bit earlier than usual today. A coworker and I took advantage of the fact that there's someone in the office covering the phones for us until about 12:30 each day and we decided to escape the building for a little while. We needed a break. Tensions in the office remain a bit thick and ugly, and it was so nice to be off campus for a little while.

My heart is distracted today, by many of the things I mentioned this morning. I'm having a hard time focusing, as my heart wants nothing so much as to be with some people I care about, or to be alone in a park somewhere, talking with Jesus about all the things that are weighing heavily.

I need to make a decision in the next week or so about a potential weekend trip that I'd been looking forward to, a pilgrimage of sorts that I've planned for the last year or so to join a friend on. But, just in these moments, the timing is not seeming right. It seems off to be joining her for a pilgrimage, to join her in a place of healing and reconciliation when certain other things remain outstanding. And that thought also makes my heart ache. So, on that front, too, I'm waiting and praying and wondering what the time ahead will hold.

And now, now I'm off to force some focus. To attack several things on my "to do" list that I'd like to see finished before the weekend is upon me.

I'm going to see a movie, and have dinner with a friend tonight. And then home to pack, since I need to pick my brother up by nine tomorrow morning to travel to the big city north of here for my roommate's wedding tomorrow afternoon. I'll be staying in the big city north tomorrow night, and home sometime Sunday. I'm hoping to schedule a few posts for the time I'm gone, but I'm not promising anything.