Not Alone

I was thinking this morning about an experience I had about a year and a half ago. I was sitting in church, and the formal time of teaching had split off into a time of worship, and praying over various people and needs. I had joined a small group of people to pray, but was keeping my eye on another group who were praying over a girl I knew a little bit. I was keeping tabs on the group because a new friend, one whose wisdom I’d rapidly grown to trust was there, and I needed to speak with him before he slipped out for the evening.

Finally, the group I had joined finished praying, and I was standing, chatting with them, still keeping an eye on the other group. I happened to glance over at the other group at the same time as my new friend was looking around. He immediately beckoned me to join them, and I moved in that direction, assuming they’d finished praying, and he was looking for me in the same way I was looking for him.

As I approached, he said, “I was just about to come looking for you.” When I asked why, he said something to the effect of, “the spirit told me you needed to pray for this girl.”

This was not a statement that made me happy. In fact, if I could have escaped at that moment, I absolutely would have. My mind was blank. I couldn’t help but think, “well, if the Spirit told you that I needed to pray over this person, you’d think the least He could have done was let me in on it!” However, instead of running, I sat down, and began asking the girl what was going on. As she began to share, Jesus very graciously stepped in, guided my thoughts, and gave me words of scripture, and words to pray over this young woman’s life. Words that confirmed things others had spoken over her earlier in the evening, and words that surprised me entirely by their sudden presence where there had been nothing only moments before. Throughout, the friend who had called me over in the first place provided guidance, leading both of us through this process.

And then, it was over, and I had absolutely no idea where that had come from.

As I sit here at my desk, and reflect back, the spirit is brushing against my spirit, and I shake just a little.

I didn’t realize the significance of that moment with that friend until nearly a year later. I was sitting in his living room early this spring, and we were chatting about a church situation I had found myself involved with. He spoke of the need for leadership to invite those in the church to step into their giftings, to help the young and inexperienced learn to walk out those things that God has placed in them. As he spoke, I suddenly realized that this friend was one of only two or three people (none of whom were in leadership) who had invited me into this space with God, and encouraged the growth of it in my life.

I let my mind drift back to that story this morning as I was taking the train to work. I have been feeling particularly alone and discouraged in some areas again lately, especially when it comes to the idea of learning to walk out the things that God has placed in me which are so very far outside the realm of my experience and comprehension. I found myself once again asking Jesus why it seems that so many of my friends have found spiritual parents and friends – people who live in close proximity and are able to share the stuff of life, and yet I continue to find myself walking this journey alone. I was asking Jesus for a cheerleader – for encouragement as I continued to walk out this journey. His response was varied and layered, it used the music I was listening to, and flashes of memories like this one, to remind me that I do have friends and cheerleaders, though they are often at a distance, that I hear his voice, that I am not alone.