Off-Kilter

This has been a very disgruntled, off-kilter, uncertain couple of weeks, and this morning I’m feeling the effects of that.

I drank a cup of tea (passion tea from Starbucks – one of my favorites) and that seems to be helping.

My head feels stuffy – full of cotton batting. My brain is functioning very slowly, and I feel like I'm existing from one sugar rush to the next.

I am fighting off numerous little physical ailments – mostly stress related.

Overnight the poplar trees birthed cotton into the air, and my normal spring and summer allergies have stepped into high gear.

I’m moving in just over a week, and haven’t started packing. Time to get on that I guess. (Though the very idea of that is stressful at this moment.)

My parents come home tomorrow. One of the great ironies of my life is that I find it very difficult to live in my parents home, and yet, I can’t wait for them to be home this time. Partly because of the number of stressful life events that have gone on in the three weeks they’ve been overseas.

Because my parents come home tomorrow, my evening will be spent cleaning our house. It’s not terrible, but lots of little things. We’ve had company using their bed while they’ve been away, so I have to wash their sheets. I need to wash the towels in the bathroom, clean our fridge, put the clean dishes away, wipe the counters, clean the bathroom, and water the flower beds. I also need to clean my own space in preparation for packing and moving.

I’ve been hiding out in novels these last couple weeks. I think I’m on my fourth Harry Potter novel since a week ago today. Plus some other light reading and lots of mindless television in between.

I’m missing certain friends who are far away right now, and at the same time am kind of glad I don’t have to see them, as they tend to draw the honest things out of me, and the honest things in my life right now are pretty painful and ugly and fear-laced. They’re the reason I’ve been watching way more mindless television than normal and reading novels like they’re going out of style.

I’m having mood swings of immense proportions. From great excitement and jubilee to the pits of fear and exhaustion.

I’ve asked myself the “am I depressed” question with a lot more regularity these last two weeks.

I’ve worked to remind myself of the things that are beautiful, happy and good. It’s been hard to cling to them.

I’m hanging on to a promise that God gave to Abram in a vision – a promise that a friend prayed over me early this year, and that Jesus has confirmed over and over these last months. From this promise comes my tattoo idea (which is still being drawn.)

Genesis 15:1 – God’s Covenant with Abram
After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.”