Tuesday Thoughts

Here, in no apparent order are the things I’m thinking about tonight…

I think yesterday was very much needed for me. I am a person who requires much quiet time and space to process life. When big things happen, in my life, or in the lives of people close to me, I need that time and space. When I don’t get it, my mind, and then my body begin to shut down. That’s what happened yesterday. The weekend was full of some big things. And I had little time or space to recover from those things.

I’ve discovered that, though I love people, I respond to them in one of two ways. There are people that I find drain my energy, and people who I find to be life and energy giving. Of course, there is a great deal of variance, and even the best, most life-giving relationships can be draining. I made a tentative decision about a possible roommate for the future on the weekend, basing the decision on this theory, though I hadn’t thought of it until tonight. I tentatively ruled out living with a particular friend because her lifestyle is one I find very draining, and is not one I want spilling over into my home.

I crashed yesterday in part because of the high number of draining interactions I had over the weekend, and the very little time that I had to recoup from these interactions.

I am thinking again about traveling. I am feeling the pull of the nations. This makes me laugh. A year ago, I came home from Mexico more convinced than ever that my place, my calling, my ministry was to the North American church. I still believe that, but long for the enrichment of the church around the world, for the coming of the kingdom of God in all kinds of wild and crazy places.

On that same theme, I’ve had a song running through my head all day today, and off and on for the last week or so. It is one I had only known a little, but that Megs reminded me of. It was the song on her heart for her time in Pakistan, a country she found immensely oppressed spiritually. The lines that play over and over again in my head go like this:

We speak to nations – be open
We speak to nations – fall on your knees
We speak to nations – the kingdom is coming near to you
Oh we speak to strongholds – be broken
Powers of darkness – You have to flee
We speak to nations – The kingdom is coming near to you
We speak to you
Be Free
Be Free.

As I lay in bed yesterday, I was listening to a dramatization of “Prince Caspian” by C.S. Lewis, from the chronicles of Narnia. This, while not my overall favorite of the series, holds some of the moments of encounter with Aslan that I love the best. I was caught by two different ones of those encounters as I lay there listening again yesterday, and moved equally by both, as both gave voice to the words of my heart in this present season of life.

In the first scene, Lucy has just come upon Aslan directly for the first time in the novel, and is discussing a failing from a bit earlier. Aslan responds by asking her to carry out a rather difficult task, and Lucy’s response is telling. Lewis writes, “Oh dear, oh dear,” said Lucy. “And I was so pleased at finding you again. And I thought you’d let me stay. And I thought you’d come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away – like last time. And now everything is going to be horrid.”

In the second bit, Susan, who had doubted the appearance of Aslan in this story, doubted his presence, and his ability to intervene in the situation they found themselves in, speaks with him for the first time.

Lewis writes:

Then, after an awful pause, the deep voice said, “Susan.” Susan made no answer but the others thought she was crying. “You have listened to fears, child,” said Aslan. “Come let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?”

“A little, Aslan,” said Susan.

What catches me again, as I read these bits to type them here, is that both of these girls are Queens – women who have known the victory and beauty of life, who have tasted freedom and lived accordingly. And yet, both lost that sense of purpose for moments in time, and sucuumbed to fears. They responded differently, Lucy lamenting that the lion had not simply eliminated her enemies, and Susan doubting his presence, but both, once drawn into the presence of the lion drew from him strength to move forward. I am encouraged by Susan’s response to Aslan’s question, “Are you brave again?” for a little bravery is all that really seems necessary to make the next steps.

And so, I once again, as on that night of healing, find myself asking God to be Aslan in my life, to come and breathe on me, to refresh me, to allow me to bury myself in him, and find the strength to answer, “Yes, I feel a little bit brave again – I’ll go wherever you ask and do whatever you require. I’ll make the next step, whatever it may be.”