Am I Depressed?

There have been lots of moments lately where I’ve had to pause and evaluate the state of my emotions. I’ve stopped a lot to ask myself the question, “Am I depressed?” If you’ve known me long, you know that this is a loaded question. You see, for nearly five years of my life I suffered from severe depression, though I worked to conceal it from most people. Then, just over a year ago, I had an intense encounter with the healing love of Jesus. I haven’t been depressed since.

But, it has been a year of loaded emotions, with some very high highs, and some very low lows. These last few months have been quite low. The last month in particular.

So, I’ve found myself stopping to ask, “Am I depressed?”

The answer, right now, is no.

The thing is, there’s been lots of hard things in my life the last while, lots of changes, lots of new things, lots of stressors. And it is very easy for me to see only the negative things. I quite literally have to stop and remind myself to look for the beautiful things.

So, here’s a list of some of the things that have made me smile lately:
• Neon pink crocs – maybe the most comfy (if incredibly ugly!) footwear I’ve ever had. A Christmas gift from my brothers.
• Two completed scrapbook pages in the last week. One titled “Me” and one titled “Twins?”
• Compliments on the Christmas cards I made this year.
• A laptop computer that lets me watch movies in bed, and write while curled up on the couch.
• Being in the midst of one favorite series of novels, while knowing that a second favorite series is sitting on my bedroom floor, just waiting for the first series to be finished.
• Passion tea every morning.
• A baby shower this afternoon.
• Hugs from lots of friends today.
• The chance to simply sit and chat with friends I haven’t seen in a while.
• An email from Megs telling me about Christmas in Pakistan, and all the babies they delivered on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.
• A candle lit on my dresser, flickering and adding atmosphere.
• Rewatching “Elizabethtown” while curled up in a favorite chair.

I think there are probably other things, but these are the ones that come to mind at the moment. I’m thankful for the things that are beautiful in life, amidst the things that are painful.