Lonely...

I’m actually really lonely right now. I spent the evening out with youth kids and my youngest brother. It was fun – we saw a movie at the “cheap” theatre, and then went to someone’s house and made crepes with fruit and whipped cream and ice cream. A good way to spend an evening I suppose.

But it underscored some things for me.

One, it’s a harder transition than I thought to be involved as a youth leader again. Especially with kids I don’t really know, where I’m still feeling out personalities and the inter-group dynamics. It’s going to take me a while to hit the balance between “leader” and “friend.” Ideally, I’d like to be both to these girls, but we’ll have to see how things go.

Second, I really miss having people around that share a level of heart connect with me. I miss breakfast dates with Kari, and dinner and movies with Megs. I miss seeing people my own age at church on Sunday nights, people who are in the same, post-university stage of life as me. It’s a whole other ball game to hang out with sixteen and seventeen year olds again. At the risk of sounding really sorry for myself, it really sucks that everyone has left Calgary. Rae is the last one left, and I’m making a road trip to Vancouver at the end of the month to help her move. Then, I will be officially friendless in Calgary.

I miss having people that I can talk really openly with about spiritual things. I miss the friends and mentors that have been around at various points in the last few years.

And, I was doing okay the last couple weeks being in Calgary, but today was not a great day. I came home from work lonely, I went out with kids because it was better than staying at home and feeling sorry for myself, but I came home from that lonely too. This is one of those days that underscores how badly I want to be someplace else right now. How badly I want to live in community with people that I share heart connect and passions with. How badly I want to NOT be in Calgary, not still be in my parent’s home (which I start paying rent for on January 1st!) How slightly dislocated and unsure about what the next steps are I really am…

Yep… that’s my night. See you soon.