joy comes in the mourning

Today has been thus far a day of weeping. Some things inside me are dead. And I've realized that, and grieved. I cried all the makeup right off my face this morning, then looked at a friend and remarked that I was glad I took the time to put it on so carefully before I left home. We laughed together, she, her husband and I.

I am mourning some things, and I am hurting. But there are tiny little bits of joy. And I'm praying and believing that they will root and grow and bear fruit in my life. That although some things are dead, there are new things being born.

I spent the morning and much of the afternoon grieving the dead and dying things. I wept, I couldn't eat, I couldn't find the energy to really laugh, even in the funny moments. And now I'm off to celebrate the impending birth of a friend's child. To laugh and eat and enjoy the company of some girls I've worked with over the last year. To celebrate the baby that will be born soon.

An odd, juxtaposed sort of day. The kind that has left me full of thoughts and empty of words.

joy comes in the mourning.