Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Grrrr...

I spent the last 28 minutes talking very loudly into my phone. With a lot of vehemence, annoyance, and frustration.

You see, someone I know is consistently making a very dumb decision - choosing to get in a vehicle with a drunk driver. This person has lost friends to drunk driving, and yet continually chooses to get in a vehicle driven by someone consistently drunk. Furthermore, the person is defending the decision that she recognizes as stupid. And it makes me crazy.

Because I've been walking with her through life for quite a while now, and there is a complete lack of logical intelligence to this though pattern. The idea that this is the only dumb decision that's been made in the last three weeks just isn't cutting it. Yes, there are all kinds of other issues tied up in the situation, but none of them seem to be important enough for my friend to consistently risk her life in this manner. And no matter what I say, that isn't getting through.

And I am beyond my ability. At least she doesn't mind when I get really loud and blunt. Because that's how I was today. She likes that part of me - which I think is crazy - I'm not even sure I always like that "how can you be so blind" mentality that occasionally erupts from me. In some weird way, it amused this friend, and it often cuts through the issue and gets truth through to her. It didn't today. Apparantly we have to agree to disagree. What is that anyway - why should I agree to disagree with her, and thereby allow her to continue doing something stupid? Maybe that's what really ticks me off - that I didn't get through - that sometime in the next three days, she will be in a vehicle driven by a drunk driver. And I'm scared.

Jesus, protect her. Put your guards around her life and body. Can you do that even when she's knowingly endangering herself? Would you do that? Please? And could you continue to give me wisdom to handle this friendship? Teach me what to speak as I walk through this difficult time in her life. I am Yours - my hands are open and I desire to be used by you.
Posted by Lisa at 11:06 am

3 comments:

... Paige said...

Just tell her to whisper good bye to you next time she gets in that car. Go ahead & ask what kind of flowers she wants at her funeral or sent to the hospital. Because your praying for her & thats all you can do. She must take the credit for what she may be doing to herself & the ones that love her.

11:49 am, January 24, 2006
Sheri said...

HEY Lisa ... often times individuals embrace the "i don't care" attitude and thus make unwise decisions because they really do not care about themselves. I bet you anything she keeps making these decisions cause she really does not value her life. If she did - she wouldn't do it. And I also be she either in the past or present has considered suicide of some sort ... Which by the way is the most selfish thing anyone could do. Because it is all about them. No one can care enough or love enough as far as they are concerned. Call her bluff. Don't jump into the mindgame or manipulation. Your hands will always be tied in this friendship until the person you care about -this friend-decides to give up control and really desires help. She doesn't want it right now and that is evident by how you describe. Don't use guilt to manipulate any sort of response back. Straight shoot. When she is ready for help - tell her you will be there for her and do whatever you need to get her the help she needs (even if you are not enough and you need an outside resource) until then she is choosing to walk the tightrope. Don't be manipulated by her very poor choices and the emotions that come with that, even if you have to create a little distance -that might help and perhaps wise. You will pray for her but, that is all you can do at this point -till she decides what she really wants.

3:01 pm, January 24, 2006
Lisa said...

Sheri, thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate them. And I'd say you're dead on in speculating that she doesn't value her life, and that suicide has been considered - because I know that it has. Check out my latest post (The Things I Need to Say...) for my gut level response to her... one that I'm not yet if I'll send, but one that needed to be written for the stability of my own emotional life. As for creating distance, I don't usually have to do that - she usually does it by running for a few days or weeks - avoiding phone calls and so forth, until she's back under control. It mostly just makes me sad - because she does seem to want so badly to find healing, and yet, can't seem to make wise choices and steps in that direction.
Lisa

4:19 pm, January 24, 2006

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