Late yesterday morning I posted the following on my twitter account:
"Pondering appropriate responses to grief in another when the person isn't a believer... Long story, but curious to know if you have thoughts"
The conversation didn't go very far on twitter (there's something limiting about 140 characters in a conversation of this nature!) though Christianne offered the helpful suggest of simply listening.
A day later, though, and no longer in the midst of the situation that inspired the tweet, and I'm still pondering.
Quite a number of people dear to me, and some that are acquaintances, have lost loved ones to untimely deaths in the last year or so.
It was that sort of situation I found myself in yesterday, as a coworker received news that someone they cared about had lost their battle to cancer.
There were tears and profanity (not unexpected or unusual - either the tears or the profanity - given the situation), and amidst that, I found myself wondering how to offer comfort.
Because the person who was grieving doesn't know Jesus, and to my knowledge, the person who passed away didn't either.
When faced with the death of someone who knows Jesus, death is at least not without hope. Yes, that hope seems faint comfort, but it is there.
I am not one of those Christians who spends a lot of time thinking about heaven and hell. "Fire insurance" as some term their reason for having faith in Christ, is pretty much at the bottom of my list of reasons for following Jesus. I'm in love with a Savior who offers hope, healing, and joy here and now, amidst the chaos of life, and as a person I tend to be far more focused on the here and now than the eventualities of eternity. (I tend to have a "I'll figure that one out when it actually comes" mentality about eternity, beyond the basic theological tenets of a belief that a relationship with Christ offers an eternity with him.)
I don't know how to find the hope and comfort in the death of someone who doesn't know Christ, and these last several months, as I've encountered several situations of death and grieving that fall into that category, I've been struck by the chord it has hit in my life. By the contrast between those deaths and the deaths of those who I know I'll see again someday.
The chord continues to ring as I find myself unexpectedly grateful for the hope that a faith in Christ offers. The hope of eternity, reunion, heaven.
I'm struggling to put words around it. Struggling to name this shift within myself. This wrestle. These questions are touching deep places of wondering and faith in me, and so I'm thinking out loud in this space, even while I have more questions and uncertainties than answers and knowings.
I'm hesitating to throw out for the world to see that I have a belief in heaven and hell, knowing it's a controversial topic, and fearful of being pigeonholed when I'm not entirely certain that this is a belief and an understanding that will ever be fully defined for me. When I'm fairly certain it is one that will change and grow with me in the days and years to come.
And so I'm inviting you into a dialogue about grief and comfort. I'd like to know your thoughts on grieving and comfort. Am I the only one who finds confronting grief in someone who didn't have a relationship with Christ, or confronting the death of one who didn't know Christ daunting? As you've grieved, what has offered comfort? It's an oddly macabre topic for the beginning of the Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend, but it's what's floating through my mind and heart - it's what I'm pondering, and I'd love to engage in a dialogue over this with all of you.
Friday, October 07, 2011
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 51
Today's Daily 5:
- Cozy new boots
- wearing a coat I love
- new jewelry ($.25 necklaces anyone???)
- ice cream - seriously, after a pretty rough day, I can't explain how happy I was to discover a box of drumsticks that I'd forgotten in my freezer
- finishing another novel on the bus
Finding Rhythm
I'm in my sixth week of this temp job, and last week was the first week where I began to feel like I was catching my breath, and finding a new normal.
I tend to forget that adaptation takes more time than I think it will.
This job starts earlier than anywhere I've ever worked. I need to be in the office at 7:30 am. That means I need to be at the bus stop at 6:30 am. And that means that my alarm clock goes off at 5:30 am.
That's right, this avowed night person has been starting every day at 5:30 am! That's a full two hours before the current sunrise, y'all.
It's pretty much horrible!
And it has definitely taken some adapting of schedules and rhythms.
You see, over the last year I've discovered that my much despised mornings are easier if I wake up with about an hour before I have to be out the door. It really only takes me maybe 15-20 minutes of that hour to get out of bed and out the door. The rest of it is spent waking VERY slowly. Checking a few emails, or reading a few blog posts. Anything that can be done from a prone, still curled up under the blankets, easing into the day kind of position.
Another newish rhythm has to do with sleep. On weeknights I try to carve out the last hour before my lights need to be out as a time to wind down. No television, no phone calls, no computer screens, or cell phone screens. Just me and some time to write, read, pray and think.
That rhythm has been challenging since, with the early mornings, I need to have my lights out by 10pm, 10:30 at the latest. That means I need to be done with emailing, blog reading, game playing, web surfing, and television watching by 9 pm. Do you know how hard this early to bed thing is for me??? Let me just tell you - going to bed that early is almost worse than getting up so early!
Add in full days in an emotionally draining office environment, the need to juggle a family, church and social life, and the ongoing process of exploring my one word for the year, "heal", and it's been quite the struggle to adapt.
I feel like I'm starting to catch a second wind, finally, six weeks in. Like I've made some strides in figuring out what does and what doesn't work. Like I'm adapting to this crazy new schedule of sleeping and waking (or at least hating it a little bit less as I recognize that discipline in this area is paying dividends in physical and emotional health - and by extension my mental and spiritual stability).
It's a good thing, and a hard one all at once, these new rhythms. Nothing I would have expected or chosen, but an encouragement to find footing even in this newest of spaces and challenges. And that, my friends, is something I'm grateful for.
I tend to forget that adaptation takes more time than I think it will.
This job starts earlier than anywhere I've ever worked. I need to be in the office at 7:30 am. That means I need to be at the bus stop at 6:30 am. And that means that my alarm clock goes off at 5:30 am.
That's right, this avowed night person has been starting every day at 5:30 am! That's a full two hours before the current sunrise, y'all.
It's pretty much horrible!
And it has definitely taken some adapting of schedules and rhythms.
You see, over the last year I've discovered that my much despised mornings are easier if I wake up with about an hour before I have to be out the door. It really only takes me maybe 15-20 minutes of that hour to get out of bed and out the door. The rest of it is spent waking VERY slowly. Checking a few emails, or reading a few blog posts. Anything that can be done from a prone, still curled up under the blankets, easing into the day kind of position.
Another newish rhythm has to do with sleep. On weeknights I try to carve out the last hour before my lights need to be out as a time to wind down. No television, no phone calls, no computer screens, or cell phone screens. Just me and some time to write, read, pray and think.
That rhythm has been challenging since, with the early mornings, I need to have my lights out by 10pm, 10:30 at the latest. That means I need to be done with emailing, blog reading, game playing, web surfing, and television watching by 9 pm. Do you know how hard this early to bed thing is for me??? Let me just tell you - going to bed that early is almost worse than getting up so early!
Add in full days in an emotionally draining office environment, the need to juggle a family, church and social life, and the ongoing process of exploring my one word for the year, "heal", and it's been quite the struggle to adapt.
I feel like I'm starting to catch a second wind, finally, six weeks in. Like I've made some strides in figuring out what does and what doesn't work. Like I'm adapting to this crazy new schedule of sleeping and waking (or at least hating it a little bit less as I recognize that discipline in this area is paying dividends in physical and emotional health - and by extension my mental and spiritual stability).
It's a good thing, and a hard one all at once, these new rhythms. Nothing I would have expected or chosen, but an encouragement to find footing even in this newest of spaces and challenges. And that, my friends, is something I'm grateful for.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 50
Today's Daily 5:
- A Tim Horton's with almost no line, thus the pleasure of a breakfast sandwich
- oversleeping my alarm, but still waking up in time to make it out the door to catch my bus
- post it notes (have I mentioned that I have a thing for stationary supplies?)
- getting out of the office mid-afternoon to run a work errand
- dark chocolate with raspberry - a gift brought back from a recent trip my brother and his girlfriend made to Las Vegas
Whimsical Wednesday, October 5, 2011
It's the usual eclectic collection on Whimsical Wednesday again this week. As always, I'd love to hear which is your favorite image, or if you'd leave me a comment with a link to an image that has inspired you this week.
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