In the atmosphere

I’m feeling a strong pull inward today. Walking around the insides of my soul tentatively and taking stock. Figuring out what's going on. What's mine in there, and what isn't.

It’s been an odd twenty four hours.

I spent a significant chunk of time both Saturday and yesterday exploring something I hadn’t thought about in years, and beginning to figure out next steps in some areas of my life.

I came home from the mountains last night feeling stretched, but very peaceful. I had a strong sense of the hands of God working in some areas of my life, though very few answers to some of the questions I had been seeking answers for.

As I mentioned in a post last night, I came home to discover that my mom had been hospitalized for much of the day yesterday. I’m still waiting to hear how she’s doing today.

I woke this morning with a perfect peace. Something that’s been lacking these last few months. A strong awareness of the close presence of the Spirit. A solution on my heart for one of the situations I’d been praying about all weekend. My commute this morning was an extension of that peace – a prayerful journey as I talked with God about many things past and upcoming in my life.

I arrived at the office, and couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but knew that something was off.

I don’t usually pick up on the spiritual or emotional atmosphere of a place. I quite easily pick that up from people, but rarely from location.

This has been a weird morning. There is something heavy going on in the atmosphere of our building (or at least our floor), and people are feeling it. Several have commented to me that they are having “weird days” or “one of those days.”

A relative of two of my coworkers passed away over the weekend, and that is adding something to the atmosphere.

I have been experiencing emotions all morning that I know are not mine. Intense anger. A cold, hardness of spirit. Grief. Deep, longing sadness. I’m working at not absorbing these things. The sense of peace I woke with this morning gives me the assurance that these are not mine, and yet, they are seeking to undermine my peace, and my confidence in the things God spoke as I traveled to work this morning.

I think I’m going to leave the building for a bit on my lunch hour. I feel like I need to be outside. To release some stuff and come back restored and refreshed for the afternoon.

It seems an odd coincidence that the book I brought with me to read on the bus on the way home this afternoon is one that Kirk lent me several months back, and I’m just now finding time to begin to wade through. The title? “Listening Prayer.”

A common pose

This is a picture that's fairly indicative of how I spend evenings at home - bundled up on the couch in a hoody, under a blanket, resting against a pillow. Reading, thinking, sometimes blogging. I kind of like this picture, so thought I'd put it up here.

Another Peruvian Headline

Quake Survivors Berate President

Please Pray

I sent out the following email to some friends and intercessors when I arrived back in Calgary this evening. I'd appreciate your prayers as well.

Hi All!

Some of you probably know that I left Calgary on Friday evening to spend a weekend in the mountains, a bit of time away to do some praying and thinking through some decisions that have recently sprung up in my life. The time away turned out to be very much a blessing – a significant time with wonderful friends. There is, however, much to walk through in terms of some deeply personal and spiritual issues as a result of the weekend. I spent a large chunk of this morning journaling, and came up with some specific questions to which I will need to seek answers, and steps to take in these next days. I returned to Calgary this evening feeling very challenged, but very peaceful.

However, I came home to a rather troubling situation. My mom was taken by ambulance from a church event this morning to the local hospital. Dad spent the day there with her, and brought her home when they released her late this afternoon. When I spoke to dad, mom was resting at home. Mom suffers from an inner ear problem that from time to time violently flares up, completely eliminating any equilibrium, and making her violently nauseous. When this happens she has to be hospitalized or she becomes dangerously dehydrated. My mom also suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) due to a horribly abusive childhood, and is on medications to control some symptoms related to sleeping and depression. There tends to be a tie in to these episodes with her inner ear, and months when she has made significant recovery progress with the PTSD.

There also tends to be strong spiritual tie ins, and I sense that again this time, though I’m not sure exactly why. The enemy often seems to attack my family in the area of physical illness. Particularly my mom and my youngest brother (some of you will know that Tim is a musician who has been unable to play for the last ten months, due to a very difficult to diagnose and treat wrist injury that came out of nowhere – he is likely going to have surgery within the next month to try and correct the problem – touchy surgery due to the nature of the nerves, muscles and tendons in the hand and wrist).

I would greatly appreciate your prayers, and if you’re hearing anything I’d love it if you share it with me. The last time mom had one of these attacks, she was flat on her back for a week, unable to move around or the nausea would come back in force. Pray for healing, and for wisdom and discernment for me as I walk out these new things in my own life in the face of enemy attack, and as I seek to care for and be with my mom (and brother) in coming days.

Thanks so much for each of your involvement in my life – you are all appreciated, and much loved!


Lisa

Personality Profile

I did an interesting personality profile this morning.

The results have been added to the sidebar on the left (near the bottom) for your viewing pleasure.

Take the test. Then come back and tell me what your results were.